I Am Who I Am

New year is always associated with new spirit, new hope and new dream. It seems like people can refresh anything from the first day of the year, including setting goals or resolutions that should have been achieved by the end of the year.

Personally, I always try to set goals for one year round so that I know which way I should go and shift my focus to achieving all those goals. It is significantly important, I should say, as you can concentrate yourself more on what you want to get, rather than living your life with no direction.

And this year, I do also have a resolution.

During the New Year’s Eve, I have been thinking a lot of what I had not done in 2010. Perhaps, I could do something better in the following year. Unfortunately, I ended up drowning my self to my own emotional pressure, of which I had gone so upset by thinking of unpleasant memories from the past. Those memories has triggered my negative emotions, such as: angry, upset, hatred and fear.

The reason why I tell you this embarrasing moment is because it had made me a resolution in 2011.

I believe everyone have ever been upset when someone else looks better than you, could be from the physical appearance, career, achievements, properties, etc. Human is born with unsatisfaction, which makes them keep fighting hard to be the best man of the world. So when someone else looks better, we instinctively react and mostly, by getting jealous or lack of confidence.

So when I recalled my memories of what I haven’t got in 2010, I was getting upset. My self thought that I couldn’t do any better than the other people. I had nothing while other people have everything.

In this point, I was failed.

I was failed to accept my own self, for being who I am and not to pretend to be someone else. I didn’t accept myself for not being imperfect. That I am not someone else, as I have my own personality, characters, talents and profile. This is the most important line that I was failed to remember.

And so do most of you.

Most of the time, we always look at other people. What they do for living, what they own, who is their partner, who are their family & friends, what are their achievements, etc. Yet, it often makes ourselves look so small and useless. While that’s not the truth, we often recall other people to better than us.

So if we can accept other people as our partner, family and friends, why is it so difficult to accept our own self all the time? Why didn’t we pick on ourselves to be our own point reference? Shouldn’t we be at peace with own self before we can make peace with others?

And that’s what I am trying to do this year. To reconcile myself, accept her just the way she is, with all her flaws she has got.

Coz one-self is not the other selves, and vice versa.

This is me, Yenny Andrianti, for whom I always be.