Still one day left in 2010 and people are so busy with organising the New Year’s Eve activities. They call some friends to arrange a local trip or will be having a nice dinner with the family. Everyone is getting so excited yet panic at the same time. Either they are getting nervous with the Big Day or anxious if they will not spend a good time during the day.
It seems to be funny afterall. From three hundred sixty five days in a year, why people are so worried that they will not be happy on one day? Is it because it has been celebrated globally as the most important day of the year? Is it true or perceived to be true?
There goes one saying told me that sometimes we should think the opposite from what people always think. If they say that you have to turn right to get the fastest route on a trip, sometimes you will get the fastest one when you turn left instead. Now, if we are thinking hard of what we should do during the last day of the year, why don’t we think of what we have done during the other 364 days?
Nevertheless, there might be some arguments about living in the present and not dwelling in the past. So when you try to recall all happenings during the year, does it mean you just want to stay in your memories and be ignorant of your present time? If someone has the same thought, please forgive me that my belief is entirely the opposite.
Most of the time, people tend to look at the history for anything present. Let’s say, the investor might look at the chart of share price in order to predict the future share price and estimate the profit they would have earned by then. Or the accountant should look at prior working paper to see how a certain asset or liability should have been booked in order to keep being consistent.
So for argument sake, let’s assume that past is essential for present development. From the past, we learned and knew which one is good or bad, right or wrong. We grabbed the experience so that we can move forward and didn’t turn back to do the same mistake.
Life, I believe, is a continuos learning process. Along with the time continuously moving, people are expected to be more mature and experienced. Yet, can we make a generalisation for that statement? The answer is it depends on the human itself.
If we, as a human, can accept all mistakes we did in the past, all troubles we faced and most importantly, accept ourselves just the way we are, yes, we can be success of moving forward to the better way of life.
But, if we do not understand the importance of the past, we might not learn enough, then we just keep staying in the same hole, same problem and same suffering. Or even easier, we can simply blame others of the misery we would face in the future. Pointing fingers at the other people, cursing the corrupted government, bad weather, bad economy policy, etc. Blaming is much easier but you will never get out of your own problem.
So, if you do not really have anything to do on New Year’s Eve, why bother?
You can simply just sit, relax, think and learn from what happened during the other 364 days of 2010. Trust me, it is not an easy task to be done.
Happy New Year 2011. May all beings be happy and free from suffering.
31 December 2010
13 December 2010
Jangan Takut Untuk Hidup Hari Ini
Hari Minggu adalah hari yang tepat untuk beribadah. Bahkan, di beberapa kitab suci disebutkan bahwa hari Minggu adalah hari istimewa bagi para umat beragama untuk menghadap Tuhan. Entah itu bener atau ngga, gue yakin ngga ada salahnya untuk melakukan kegiatan tersebut di hari Minggu. Bahkan mungkin, banyak manfaatnya.
Seperti hari Minggu kemaren, gue bersemangat untuk pergi beribadah untuk pertama kalinya di tanah air, kota kelahiran Jakarta, setelah beberapa tahun tinggal di negeri orang. Dan ternyata, hari itu memang jadi hari yang istimewa buat gue.
Disebutkan di dalam pembabaran agama pada ibadah hari ini, bahwa manusia pada umumnya sering mengalami kecemasan. Manusia sering merasa takut. Dan lebih parahnya lagi, tingkat ketakutan manusia bisa mencapai sepuluh tingkat, menurut si pembicara. Sebenernya gue ga yakin dengan sepuluh tingkat ketakutan yang disebutkan, tapi gue percaya kalo manusia memang sering, bahkan selalu merasa takut.
Contohnya, diri gue sendiri. Gue sering ngerasa takut dengan hidup. Takut kalau hidup gue ga akan selalu bahagia, takut kalau gue tiba-tiba terkena penyakit serius, takut kalau gue ga punya cukup uang untuk bertahan hidup, dan lain sebagainya.
Hal ini kemudian terkait erat dengan dua fase kehidupan, yang boleh disebutkan telah menjadi sumber ketakutan manusia, yaitu masa lalu dan masa depan.
Ya, percaya atau ngga, manusia sering takut dengan masa lalunya sendiri. Gue yakin, kita sering merasa dihantui oleh kejadian-kejadian lampau. Kita sering merasa menyesal, atau paling ngga, sering terlintas di pikiran kita peristiwa-peristiwa di masa lalu yang mungkin telah membuat kenangan yang cukup berkesan, entah itu baik atau buruk.
Contohnya, ketika sebuah hubungan percintaan atau pertemanan dengan seseorang yang pernah kita anggap istimewa harus berakhir. Ga bisa disangkal, kita bisa dengan tiba-tiba memikirkan orang tersebut, atau mungkin menyesali hubungan yang telah berakhir tersebut.
Tapi ingat. Masa lalu udah lewat dan kejadian-kejadian di masa tersebut tidak mungkin diulang kembali. Waktu akan terus berjalan maju. Jadi, kalau dipikir-pikir, menyesali atau memikirkan maa lalu secara berlebihan emang ga ada gunanya sama sekali. Kesimpulannya, kita ngga perlu takut dengan masa lalu yang menghantui hidup kita, karena memang ngga ada yang perlu ditakuti.
Begitupun halnya dengan masa depan. Banyak orang yang sering meramalkan masa depan, tapi ga ada seorang pun di dunia ini yang bisa secara akurat 100% memberikan kepastian tentang kejadian yang akan terjadi di masa depan.
Contohnya, ramalan cuaca bisa memberikan prediksi tentang cuaca di hari-hari mendatang. Tetapi, seringkali cuaca sebenarnya ga sesuai dengan yang diramalkan. Begitupun juga dengan hidup seseorang yang diramalkan bernasib buruk, tetapi ternyata hidupnya menjadi sukses dan bahagia.
Ketidaksesuaian ramalan bukanlah disebabkan oleh kekuatan magis, tetapi kekuatan dari si manusia itu sendiri. Sama halnya dengan ramalan cuaca yang didasarkan atas perhitungan dan analisa dari iklim dan cuaca hari ini atau di masa lampau. Namun, realita sesungguhnya akan cuaca keesokan harinya ga bisa dipastikan 100%.
Seseorang yg hidupnya diramalkan bernasib buruk, bisa jadi sukses karena usaha gigihnya. Seusai diramal, dia bertekad untuk terus berusaha keras supaya hidupnya menjadi lebih baik dan tidak terpuruk. Dia pun berhasil dan ramalan tersebut jadi ga akurat.
Dari contoh di atas, bisa terlihat bahwa manusia cenderung takut dengan masa depan. Manusia sering berusaha untuk mengetahui kejadian di akan datang, tetapi manusia sering lupa dengan masa sekarang.
Gue juga demikian, yaitu sering melupakan masa sekarang. Gue sering lupa dengan momen-momen yang sedang gue jalani, bahkan mengabaikan orang-orang yang sedang berada di sekitar gue. Gue cenderung memikirkan masa lalu atau masa depan.
Berikut ilustrasi kecil untuk mengingatkan kita semua akan pentingnya masa sekarang:
Contohnya, kalau besok hujan dan jalanan banjir, gue takut gue ga bisa menghadiri pesta pernikahan salah seorang teman. Gue takut kalau besok gue harus terpaksa berada di rumah dan ga bisa kemana-mana. Padahal, hari esok kan belum terjadi, tapi gue udah punya berbagai macam ketakutan di otak gue. Pada akhirnya, gue jadi mengabaikan saat ini, saat di mana tubuh dan jiwa gue seharusnya berada. Gue jadi ga fokus berbicara dengan orang di hadapan gue, atau bahkan malah jadi linglung dalam mengerjakan hal-hal kecil.
Memang, gue akui kalo ngga ada salahnya untuk mempersiapkan diri untuk masa depan. Tetapi, bukan berarti kita perlu menghabiskan waktu yang sekarang kita miliki hanya untuk persiapan masa yang belum jelas keadaannya. Karena, seringkali kejadian sebenarnya ga sesuai dengan kejadian yang udah kita ciptakan sendiri di dalam otak kita. Jadi, untuk apa waktu yang terus berputar dan tidak akan kembali ini, kita habiskan untuk memikirkan dan merencanakan masa depan yang belum pasti kejadiannya?
Jadi, teruslah berusaha untuk hidup di masa sekarang, saat ini juga, detik ini juga. Jangan mau terus terbuai oleh kecemasan masa lalu dan masa depan, karena ketika kita ingin menjadi manusia yang lebih baik dan terus maju, kita hanya bisa melakukannya saat ini, detik ini juga.
18 October 2010
How to Win Mom's Heart?
It’s really hard to win a woman’s heart. Yes, I agree with you and I can tell you how hard it is.
Imagine you have known a woman for quite long time. You know she is such a lovely woman, beautiful, kind and she really cares of your needs. She always tries to help you, thinks of your needs and would like to fulfil your needs as much as she could.
Wouldn’t you want her love & care? Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone needs love.
But the problem comes when you cannot win her heart so easily.
She loves you. Yes, she would agree with you. Does she want you to love her back? She would love to. But she has her own way to love and you better follow her rules.
Rule #1: She would make sure you live happily.
She always wants you to be happy. She will give you advice of how to live well & safely. How you shouldn’t be friends with bad people, how you should earn your money and how you should live in a good house.
Rule #2: She would make sure you are secure.
Similar to the first rule, yet simply, she doesn’t like you to see the outside world. It doesn’t mean you will be caged or somewhat like that. The outside world is so dangerous, so you better stay inside the house and be safe, she thought. You shouldn’t come home late, you shouldn’t hang out with your friends too often as she wouldn’t know every single friend. You know, whether they are really good friends or not. In other words, she would say ‘Never believe a stranger’, and your friends are her strangers.
Rule #3: She doesn’t like you to speak in foreign language
When you grow up and become an adult, you would think about your own life. You would think of how you should live your life. You choose your own lifestyle, fashion, partner, anything. Yet, she thought you shouldn’t do that. You might not choose it right and you might get into trouble. And she really really dislikes any trouble. Then, she will give you more advice about life (yes, she’s a kind of psychologist). She will tell her own life stories and always remind you on the danger of real life. In other words, she would like you to speak in the same language. She might not favour you when you start speaking in different language. She would think you become a foreigner, and a foreigner means a stranger. Remember rule #2, ‘Never believe a stranger’.
Now you think her rules are simple and easy to follow. But remember, rules are there to be broken.
Against Rule #1: You think you know your own happiness
You are happy if you play around with your friends. You are happy not to eat the vegetables. You are happy to be a volunteer (means you are happy to help people without being paid). Well, she might not agree with you. She might think it is bad when you did not eat vegetables. It is bad for your health and it can even make you die sooner. Or else, she might think it is bad when you don’t get paid any money for any work you do. She thought it is quite stupid when you want to work with no money given.
Against Rule #2: You want to learn from risks
At first, you feel alright when you can stay inside the house all the time. You feel safe and there’s no need to go outside the house. You thought you have got everything inside, so why bother? You said. Then, few moments later, you start getting so bored. You feel empty, while you have done anything inside. You start getting curious of what’s happening outside the house. You look at the windows and you see the roads, the garden and the clouds. It starts raining and the road starts getting wet. Surprisingly, you feel more curious. How does it feel when you get caught on rain? How does it feel when you step on the road and got your feet so wet? But she doesn’t like you to get wet. She doesn’t like you to get sick. At all.
Against Rule #3: You can speak foreign language fluently
After learning from some friends, reading some books and browsing the internet, you become an expert in foreign language. You start speaking in foreign and acting like foreign people. You think you have developed your skill. But she didn’t think so. She thought you have been influenced by those alien (you know, the foreigner). She thought you have been captured by the alien and your brain has been switched with alien’s brain. You have become an alien and she doesn’t like it at all.
Oh well, there is no simple rule for winning woman’s heart. Not even for a woman whom you know from when you start to breathe for the first time in this world.
So when you have some certain rules for ‘How to do that’, feel free to spill the beans.
04 September 2010
Are You Scared?
Have you ever been afraid? Thought your life is ruined by one problem? Like when you are heartbroken, or when you failed the exam, or when you lose your money?
Or maybe, those things haven't happened yet, but you are scared to death that those things will eventually happen? Like when you didn't do well in the exam, then you're totally scared that you will fail.
What did you do next? How did you cope up with your fear?
Are you gonna be frustrated? Or you pretend to be calm? Or you are REALLY calm?
I am such a paranoid at some states. I could be worry so much if some things didn't happen well in my life. Or I could be worry that my expectations in life might not happen.
Sometimes my fear turned into reality, sometimes not.
And I know the solution. Keep calm, turn off your emotion, do a night prayer, sleep well, and tomorrow will be a brighter day.
Easy to say, lazy to be done. Or we just like to live along with our fear. We just get used to live with fear; we're afraid if we lose our job, we can't earn our living; we're afraid if we let go someone, he/she will forget us forever; we're afraid if we didn't please our friend, we'll stay alone in this world.
We're afraid to many things and we often forget that we shouldn't be so.
Or maybe, those things haven't happened yet, but you are scared to death that those things will eventually happen? Like when you didn't do well in the exam, then you're totally scared that you will fail.
What did you do next? How did you cope up with your fear?
Are you gonna be frustrated? Or you pretend to be calm? Or you are REALLY calm?
I am such a paranoid at some states. I could be worry so much if some things didn't happen well in my life. Or I could be worry that my expectations in life might not happen.
Sometimes my fear turned into reality, sometimes not.
And I know the solution. Keep calm, turn off your emotion, do a night prayer, sleep well, and tomorrow will be a brighter day.
Easy to say, lazy to be done. Or we just like to live along with our fear. We just get used to live with fear; we're afraid if we lose our job, we can't earn our living; we're afraid if we let go someone, he/she will forget us forever; we're afraid if we didn't please our friend, we'll stay alone in this world.
We're afraid to many things and we often forget that we shouldn't be so.
18 August 2010
Try It, Then You Know
I’ve been facing a lot of ‘Why, Why, Why’ since the beginning of 2010.
And it’s all because of my decision that I guess, is a contradiction to some people.
Within our society, I realise that people want their lives to be secure. They just want to live peacefully. Let’s say for the sake of money, some people choose to work as an employee in a small to large corporation. Why not? They say. It’s secure; you’ll get fixed income every month, some other benefits, get promotion and of course, higher income for higher position.
So when I decided to leave this secure situation, people start to react and throw out heaps of ‘why’ to me:
1. Why do you wanna leave your job? (Isn’t it good to work in such a big company? Isn’t it good to be a professional in that promising industry?
2. Why do you wanna leave this country? (Isn’t it good that you can go anywhere without traffic? Isn’t it good that you can do anything here?)
3. Why don’t you try to get a house by mortgage? (Isn’t it good for long-term investment? Don’t you also need to get a house for your future family?)
Or similar questions...
1. Are you sure you’re leaving?
2. Are you sure you won’t regret later on?
3. Are you sure it’s worthwhile?
And even more...
1. What is your next plan?
2. Which career are you looking forward?
3. What do you think about your future?
4. Are you sure that plan is worthwhile?
5. Do you have enough savings?
6. Are you going to open a business?
Blablabla. Like it’s never ending.
I always tried to give a brief and logical explanation covering all those questions. But in the end, I’m exhausted. I’m tired of having all those questions whining around. I’m tired of answering them over and over.
Here’s my quick comment:
I know human needs to be secure, even people like to be in their comfort zone. But then, isn’t it good when you can step out, stretch yourself, challenge yourself to something bigger than what you’re facing now?
Why do I need to get out, while I can have everything in my own zone? Yes, I can hear you say.
Look around you. See it clearly. Are you happy with your life? Really happy? Or not really? Or even you get bored?
I didn’t say that my decision is right and you people are wrong. But again, life is about choices. My box is getting so bored while I’ve been so secured inside. Even worse, I’m not happy inside and so often get confused with what I’m gonna do with my life.
That is why, I choose to step out from my box and take a walk. It might sound risky, but I’m sure it’s worth to try. Coz if you've never tried it, you’ll never know if it’s good or bad.
And it’s all because of my decision that I guess, is a contradiction to some people.
Within our society, I realise that people want their lives to be secure. They just want to live peacefully. Let’s say for the sake of money, some people choose to work as an employee in a small to large corporation. Why not? They say. It’s secure; you’ll get fixed income every month, some other benefits, get promotion and of course, higher income for higher position.
So when I decided to leave this secure situation, people start to react and throw out heaps of ‘why’ to me:
1. Why do you wanna leave your job? (Isn’t it good to work in such a big company? Isn’t it good to be a professional in that promising industry?
2. Why do you wanna leave this country? (Isn’t it good that you can go anywhere without traffic? Isn’t it good that you can do anything here?)
3. Why don’t you try to get a house by mortgage? (Isn’t it good for long-term investment? Don’t you also need to get a house for your future family?)
Or similar questions...
1. Are you sure you’re leaving?
2. Are you sure you won’t regret later on?
3. Are you sure it’s worthwhile?
And even more...
1. What is your next plan?
2. Which career are you looking forward?
3. What do you think about your future?
4. Are you sure that plan is worthwhile?
5. Do you have enough savings?
6. Are you going to open a business?
Blablabla. Like it’s never ending.
I always tried to give a brief and logical explanation covering all those questions. But in the end, I’m exhausted. I’m tired of having all those questions whining around. I’m tired of answering them over and over.
Here’s my quick comment:
I know human needs to be secure, even people like to be in their comfort zone. But then, isn’t it good when you can step out, stretch yourself, challenge yourself to something bigger than what you’re facing now?
Why do I need to get out, while I can have everything in my own zone? Yes, I can hear you say.
Look around you. See it clearly. Are you happy with your life? Really happy? Or not really? Or even you get bored?
I didn’t say that my decision is right and you people are wrong. But again, life is about choices. My box is getting so bored while I’ve been so secured inside. Even worse, I’m not happy inside and so often get confused with what I’m gonna do with my life.
That is why, I choose to step out from my box and take a walk. It might sound risky, but I’m sure it’s worth to try. Coz if you've never tried it, you’ll never know if it’s good or bad.
- Try it, then you know. Good or bad, who knows?
16 August 2010
What A Shame...
The following posting is not intended to offense any organisation, school of religion or anyone, and it is made solely for private purposes.
Over the last few years, I’ve been learning Buddhism and became a Buddhist. My family is not a Buddhist family and my parents are always devoted to follow the Chinese traditions and beliefs (I guess, it’s either Taoism or Confucianism). As a child, I never understood any tradition that we have to follow. I kept asking myself, why do I have to do this and that, until I reached a certain point that I had no interest at all to religion.
I didn’t want to blame my parents for not being able to explain the fundamental concept of their belief. Yet, I couldn’t be careless and just do whatever they do. It’s not right and never be right to blindly following something. I still believe that there is god somewhere up there, so I couldn’t call myself to be an atheist either. Then there I was, left stranded in a land of self-confusion. I had no spiritual life and couldn’t be bothered to follow my parent’s spiritual life. And so I became the rebel child and to make it worse, I’d been recalled to be the atheist child.
No trauma attached, I started to find my religion. I sought advices from different people that have different religion. I asked them the fundamental concept of their religion and tried to grab the understanding. And I couldn’t deny, the numbers sometimes win the situation. I started to consider myself to convert into a religion that has the most number of followers.
Fortunately, something happened afterwards. When I returned to Sydney, something really bad happened. I was so depressed at that time, so I decided to go somewhere spiritual and I picked on a Buddhist temple. It just happened that I met some friends who were visiting the temple over last few weeks. As I didn’t see any harm to give it a visit, I asked them to come along with me.
And so it all started. Met new people, joined the activities, listened to the talk & discussion, even joined the Buddhist youth conference of which I knew nothing and noone. Finally, I was ready to take the three refugees (a kind of first ordination in Buddhism). I found my religion and I was ready to take the Buddhist path. Until I realised that I was getting another self-confusion. Firstly, it feels so good when you can be friends with a lot of people, join a lot of activities, volunteering, etc. The activities seem to be endless for the whole year round. There’s always be something and to make it done, it would occupy almost all of your leisure time.
But then, where is the Buddhism?
While it emphasizes the importance of helping other people, I’ve still got a lot of missing pieces. Same question arises, why do I need to do all of these? These endless works really made me suffering even more. Felt no appreciation, much higher pressure to get it well done, and it even required the perfection of every single thing. I felt like being an employee working in a corporation (of which I less favoured) with no compensation given.
I believe the rules of karma, I knew that what goes round, comes round. But tell you what, it’s not that easy to understand when you face all those things (works, pressure, etc). Still, I tried to cope up with everything for few more months. I told myself, there must be something good to learn and to be practiced. But I’ve still got no answer to my question and once more, I was left confused and stranded. This time, I went to the expert for the answer and some advices. Same shit, different smell, I got no absolute answer. Even worse, I started to questioning this school of religion, ‘Am I in the right path?’
Yet, I didn’t give up for being a Buddhist. I knew there should be thousand ways & places out there and what I can do is just come and see it myself. So, I went to another place once, twice, three times, and that’s it. I found what I was looking for. From the first visit, I felt I was coming back home, to where I should stay, sit back and relax. I sensed the inner peace and silent mind.
Finally, I started to learn Buddhism in a way that I’m able to understand, yet I still had the uneasy feeling on my previous experience. I still couldn’t accept the concept of helping other people by keep working with 100% perfection (or even more). I couldn’t find the logical answer of why we have to make ourselves suffering and fully under pressure. Until I (sort of) found the answer on discussion with friends few days ago.
The answer is simply coming from the culture background of the organisation (of the temple). The concept of hardworking, under pressure, demanding a perfection, were simply the attitude and behaviour of Taiwanese people. Shortly speaking, it is the organisation’s culture, not the Buddhism concept.
It’s a shame of how it could be mixed up with the Buddhism knowledge while it’s only about the people’s culture.
And it’s another shame to know not only myself that has been confused. I knew some friends, especially newcomers, have got the same feeling. And I have another argument for this. While we are aware that the organisation comes from a certain country, would they expect that the lay people would recognise their culture? Should they expect that everyone knows how to speak and act according to their culture?
Does it mean they are ‘attached’ to the organization, while The Buddha said there should not be any attachment to anything at all?
Perhaps, you might think that I’m the person who is not open-minded. Not trying to accept another culture, learn it, and deal with it. But then, shouldn’t they also recognise that people might have different culture, including language? Again, my question remains, where are the Buddhism lessons apart from their culture? As I couldn’t see the benefit of persisting culture while people started to restrain themselves for coming and learning Buddhism.
It is another shame…
Moreover on discussion with friends, one friend wisely said, the organisation’s behaviour and discipline is actually bringing the most benefit to spread Buddhism worldwide. Their strict behaviour is required so that they would always be working at their best to help other people.
At the end, there is no absolute right or wrong answer as there is no ending to discussion about religion or spiritual life. And perhaps, a valuable lesson for me is to acknowledge the different culture before coming up with a conclusion.
Over the last few years, I’ve been learning Buddhism and became a Buddhist. My family is not a Buddhist family and my parents are always devoted to follow the Chinese traditions and beliefs (I guess, it’s either Taoism or Confucianism). As a child, I never understood any tradition that we have to follow. I kept asking myself, why do I have to do this and that, until I reached a certain point that I had no interest at all to religion.
I didn’t want to blame my parents for not being able to explain the fundamental concept of their belief. Yet, I couldn’t be careless and just do whatever they do. It’s not right and never be right to blindly following something. I still believe that there is god somewhere up there, so I couldn’t call myself to be an atheist either. Then there I was, left stranded in a land of self-confusion. I had no spiritual life and couldn’t be bothered to follow my parent’s spiritual life. And so I became the rebel child and to make it worse, I’d been recalled to be the atheist child.
No trauma attached, I started to find my religion. I sought advices from different people that have different religion. I asked them the fundamental concept of their religion and tried to grab the understanding. And I couldn’t deny, the numbers sometimes win the situation. I started to consider myself to convert into a religion that has the most number of followers.
Fortunately, something happened afterwards. When I returned to Sydney, something really bad happened. I was so depressed at that time, so I decided to go somewhere spiritual and I picked on a Buddhist temple. It just happened that I met some friends who were visiting the temple over last few weeks. As I didn’t see any harm to give it a visit, I asked them to come along with me.
And so it all started. Met new people, joined the activities, listened to the talk & discussion, even joined the Buddhist youth conference of which I knew nothing and noone. Finally, I was ready to take the three refugees (a kind of first ordination in Buddhism). I found my religion and I was ready to take the Buddhist path. Until I realised that I was getting another self-confusion. Firstly, it feels so good when you can be friends with a lot of people, join a lot of activities, volunteering, etc. The activities seem to be endless for the whole year round. There’s always be something and to make it done, it would occupy almost all of your leisure time.
But then, where is the Buddhism?
While it emphasizes the importance of helping other people, I’ve still got a lot of missing pieces. Same question arises, why do I need to do all of these? These endless works really made me suffering even more. Felt no appreciation, much higher pressure to get it well done, and it even required the perfection of every single thing. I felt like being an employee working in a corporation (of which I less favoured) with no compensation given.
I believe the rules of karma, I knew that what goes round, comes round. But tell you what, it’s not that easy to understand when you face all those things (works, pressure, etc). Still, I tried to cope up with everything for few more months. I told myself, there must be something good to learn and to be practiced. But I’ve still got no answer to my question and once more, I was left confused and stranded. This time, I went to the expert for the answer and some advices. Same shit, different smell, I got no absolute answer. Even worse, I started to questioning this school of religion, ‘Am I in the right path?’
Yet, I didn’t give up for being a Buddhist. I knew there should be thousand ways & places out there and what I can do is just come and see it myself. So, I went to another place once, twice, three times, and that’s it. I found what I was looking for. From the first visit, I felt I was coming back home, to where I should stay, sit back and relax. I sensed the inner peace and silent mind.
Finally, I started to learn Buddhism in a way that I’m able to understand, yet I still had the uneasy feeling on my previous experience. I still couldn’t accept the concept of helping other people by keep working with 100% perfection (or even more). I couldn’t find the logical answer of why we have to make ourselves suffering and fully under pressure. Until I (sort of) found the answer on discussion with friends few days ago.
The answer is simply coming from the culture background of the organisation (of the temple). The concept of hardworking, under pressure, demanding a perfection, were simply the attitude and behaviour of Taiwanese people. Shortly speaking, it is the organisation’s culture, not the Buddhism concept.
It’s a shame of how it could be mixed up with the Buddhism knowledge while it’s only about the people’s culture.
And it’s another shame to know not only myself that has been confused. I knew some friends, especially newcomers, have got the same feeling. And I have another argument for this. While we are aware that the organisation comes from a certain country, would they expect that the lay people would recognise their culture? Should they expect that everyone knows how to speak and act according to their culture?
Does it mean they are ‘attached’ to the organization, while The Buddha said there should not be any attachment to anything at all?
Perhaps, you might think that I’m the person who is not open-minded. Not trying to accept another culture, learn it, and deal with it. But then, shouldn’t they also recognise that people might have different culture, including language? Again, my question remains, where are the Buddhism lessons apart from their culture? As I couldn’t see the benefit of persisting culture while people started to restrain themselves for coming and learning Buddhism.
It is another shame…
Moreover on discussion with friends, one friend wisely said, the organisation’s behaviour and discipline is actually bringing the most benefit to spread Buddhism worldwide. Their strict behaviour is required so that they would always be working at their best to help other people.
At the end, there is no absolute right or wrong answer as there is no ending to discussion about religion or spiritual life. And perhaps, a valuable lesson for me is to acknowledge the different culture before coming up with a conclusion.
14 July 2010
Random of The Day
Random 1:
Perlu baterai buat jam dinding? Atau mengeluh karena listrik mahal?
Jangan khawatir. Solusinya ada di buah belimbing.
Ciptakan listrik dari buah belimbing: tanah yang ditaruh dalam gelas bekas air mineral, disuntikkan sari buah belimbing, lalu dihubungkan dengan rangkaian kawat lempengan tembaga dan seng untuk mengalirkan arus listrik.
Hasilnya: Tada! Terciptalah energi listrik yang bisa mencapai 5 Volt.
http://regional.kompas.com/read/2010/07/14/0558185/Listrik.dari.Buah.Belimbing.Mungkinkah
Kesimpulannya, tanamlah buah belimbing jika ingin menghemat biaya listrik.
Random 2:
Kata apa yang sering diucapkan di kantor anda?
1. The reports have been delivered, right? You have checked all the reports, right? These amounts should tie to that amount, right?
2. So when you checked this figure, really it should tie back to that figure; The reports really are delivered COB today.
3. When answering question/give comment: I guess that figure is correct; We should consider it, but I guess these reports might not be correct.
Note: The word ‘right’ can be used for about 100 times in one day.
Random 3:
Pekerjaan apa yang paling dibenci orang? Manager.
Alasannya:
1. Sering diumpat karyawan (anak buah)
2. Dianggap tidak punya hati karena sering mengejar deadline dan ‘mendorong’ anak buah
3. Sering memerintah karyawan untuk melakukan hal2 yang kurang sesuai dengan logika, etika, dan menguntungkan posisi si manager
Perlu baterai buat jam dinding? Atau mengeluh karena listrik mahal?
Jangan khawatir. Solusinya ada di buah belimbing.
Ciptakan listrik dari buah belimbing: tanah yang ditaruh dalam gelas bekas air mineral, disuntikkan sari buah belimbing, lalu dihubungkan dengan rangkaian kawat lempengan tembaga dan seng untuk mengalirkan arus listrik.
Hasilnya: Tada! Terciptalah energi listrik yang bisa mencapai 5 Volt.
http://regional.kompas.com/read/2010/07/14/0558185/Listrik.dari.Buah.Belimbing.Mungkinkah
Kesimpulannya, tanamlah buah belimbing jika ingin menghemat biaya listrik.
Random 2:
Kata apa yang sering diucapkan di kantor anda?
1. The reports have been delivered, right? You have checked all the reports, right? These amounts should tie to that amount, right?
2. So when you checked this figure, really it should tie back to that figure; The reports really are delivered COB today.
3. When answering question/give comment: I guess that figure is correct; We should consider it, but I guess these reports might not be correct.
Note: The word ‘right’ can be used for about 100 times in one day.
Random 3:
Pekerjaan apa yang paling dibenci orang? Manager.
Alasannya:
1. Sering diumpat karyawan (anak buah)
2. Dianggap tidak punya hati karena sering mengejar deadline dan ‘mendorong’ anak buah
3. Sering memerintah karyawan untuk melakukan hal2 yang kurang sesuai dengan logika, etika, dan menguntungkan posisi si manager
10 July 2010
This Too Will Pass...
I believe everyone had ever got frustrated in life, like what I’m feeling lately.
Then, does anyone ever try to look for the reason? Try to investigate and asking themselves why it could happen?
Mostly, it happens when your life does not turn out to what you expect it to be. Your expectation did not come into the reality. Even worse, problems come up and you start being dragged along to the unpleasant life of what you thought that should not happen. You start thinking, ‘This is not what my life should be. These problems should not be my problems. And why I keep being hold back to these problems, why suddenly my life is so bad?’
And that’s what happened in my life. I keep thinking about the future, of what I can do, where I can go and I can’t wait the future to be happened. To sum up, I have a lot of expectations on my future. Then, I start ignoring the present moment. I hate my job while I am totally aware that was my career choice initially. And I start thinking that people around me are worthless to my life; my family, friends and even god up there.
While I keep disgracing my present life, it turns out to be even worse. My job is getting more demanding and it almost takes my whole time in a day. I hate enough to turn out to work every day from 9-5pm, but life seems to play around with me and it demands me to turn out to work every day, including Sunday, from 9-10pm.
In that very moment, I believe it is normal when human gets stress. While a research showing that human only uses small part of their brain, I still believe that human can also get brain damage if it is forced to keep thinking and ‘working hard’.
Then, I remember a story of a Buddhist monk. One day, he went to the beach and the beach was so beautiful. Before he gave in to be a monk, he was a professional swimmer; therefore, he could not resist seeing such a beautiful beach. So, he decided to swim for a while.
Unfortunately, the weather was not very good. People had also warned him that the beach was not good for swimming (let me say, it was quite ‘wild’). Big waves start coming out, and he thought he would have died at that time. He kept trying to swim back to the shoreline, but the wave kept coming against him.
Then, he was thinking, maybe I should just follow the waves, then after it was getting ‘calm’, I could swim back to the shoreline. Andthat’s what he did. Safely, he finally managed to go back to the shoreline.
The morale story is, if he kept trying to swim against the waves, he probably had no energy to swim back, and he could have died in the middle of the sea. On the other hand, he just waited until the situation is getting good, so that he could save his energy to swim back to the beach shore.
Afterwards, I start smiling to myself. It could have happened to my life, when I’m trying so hard not to go along and have peace with my present life, I could have died earlier, then my future would not have happened. I will kill my self and my future of which I’m thinking so hard for what it should be.
At the moment, I cannot do anything. I cannot runaway from life, I cannot control everything in my life. I just can stay still, follow the life-flow and wait until it is good for me to escape from this flow.
No one can control the world, and so do I. Every single moment in life will come and go. Then, it reminds me with another saying from another Buddhist monk, ‘This too will pass…’
Start from then, I can give my best smile everyday, coz I know that this unpleasant moment will pass and the sweet moment have been waiting me out there. And I believe, one day, when I look back into this moment, I will say, ‘Well done, Yenny! You did it’
So, no matter how hard your life is, just try to smile, coz this too will pass...
20 April 2010
Your Mind is Your Danger!
Berawal dari sebuah otak, terorisme pun bisa terjadi. Jadi hati-hati dengan pikiranmu, karena apapun bisa terjadi (di luar dari apa yang kita bayangkan).
Ga percaya?
Contohnya banyak.
1. Waktu jaman sekolah, temen-temen gue suka curhat tentang gebetannya yg ada di sekolah lain. Dan karena gue suka mengimajinasikan cerita, gue jadi punya bayangan tentang sosok si gebetan. Setinggi apa, secakep apa, gendut ato ngga, dll.
Ehh..waktu akhirnya gue dikenalin, bayangan gue salah total. Yang gue pikir orangnya ganteng banget, ternyata biasa aja. Yang gue pikir orangnya gendut, ternyata malah kurus. Dan seringkali, realitas berbeda jauh dari apa yang gue pikirin.
2. Tiap kali gue jalan bareng nci gue yang sulung, banyak temen yang menganggap kalo dia itu nyokap gue. Dan waktu gue bilang dia itu nci gue, nyaris ga ada yang percaya. Mereka masih ‘kekeuh’ bilang dia itu bukan nyokap gue, dia malahan dianggep adiknya bokap gue yang masih muda. Lah wong gue itu adiknya, masa gue ga ngenalin sih? *cape deh*
3. Waktu gue ikut tur keliling Hong Kong, ada om-tante yang nanya gue dulu SMA di mana. Gue pun menjawab dengan jujur tentang sekolah gue. Dan waktu gue sebut, entah kenapa mereka tertarik banget sampe akhirnya, gue jadi cerita banyak hal tentang sekolah gue, termasuk kenakalan anak-anak dan kejelekan guru-guru. Gue pikir ga ada salahnya cerita ke mereka, toh mereka ga ada hubungannya sama sekolah gue.
Sepulangnya dari Hong Kong, gue baru tahu kalo si om itu bakal jadi kepala sekolah di SMA gue! Nah lho! Siapa yg tau sih om-om cina gendut yang tampangnya kayak yang punya toko emas, ternyata calon kepala sekolah?!
Jadi, seringkali apa yang kita pikirin itu bukan apa yang sebenarnya terjadi. Dan lebih bahayanya lagi, kalau kita mencoba membuat kesimpulan sendiri. Percaya deh, apa yang kalian lihat, bayangkan, dan pikirkan seringkali berbeda dari realitas. Bahkan, kenyataan sebenarnya itu bisa jauh dari apa yang kita bayangkan.
Kesimpulannya, hati-hati dengan pikiranmu. Usahakan jangan langsung membuat kesimpulan tentang apapun yang kita lihat ato denger.
Ga percaya?
Contohnya banyak.
1. Waktu jaman sekolah, temen-temen gue suka curhat tentang gebetannya yg ada di sekolah lain. Dan karena gue suka mengimajinasikan cerita, gue jadi punya bayangan tentang sosok si gebetan. Setinggi apa, secakep apa, gendut ato ngga, dll.
Ehh..waktu akhirnya gue dikenalin, bayangan gue salah total. Yang gue pikir orangnya ganteng banget, ternyata biasa aja. Yang gue pikir orangnya gendut, ternyata malah kurus. Dan seringkali, realitas berbeda jauh dari apa yang gue pikirin.
2. Tiap kali gue jalan bareng nci gue yang sulung, banyak temen yang menganggap kalo dia itu nyokap gue. Dan waktu gue bilang dia itu nci gue, nyaris ga ada yang percaya. Mereka masih ‘kekeuh’ bilang dia itu bukan nyokap gue, dia malahan dianggep adiknya bokap gue yang masih muda. Lah wong gue itu adiknya, masa gue ga ngenalin sih? *cape deh*
3. Waktu gue ikut tur keliling Hong Kong, ada om-tante yang nanya gue dulu SMA di mana. Gue pun menjawab dengan jujur tentang sekolah gue. Dan waktu gue sebut, entah kenapa mereka tertarik banget sampe akhirnya, gue jadi cerita banyak hal tentang sekolah gue, termasuk kenakalan anak-anak dan kejelekan guru-guru. Gue pikir ga ada salahnya cerita ke mereka, toh mereka ga ada hubungannya sama sekolah gue.
Sepulangnya dari Hong Kong, gue baru tahu kalo si om itu bakal jadi kepala sekolah di SMA gue! Nah lho! Siapa yg tau sih om-om cina gendut yang tampangnya kayak yang punya toko emas, ternyata calon kepala sekolah?!
Jadi, seringkali apa yang kita pikirin itu bukan apa yang sebenarnya terjadi. Dan lebih bahayanya lagi, kalau kita mencoba membuat kesimpulan sendiri. Percaya deh, apa yang kalian lihat, bayangkan, dan pikirkan seringkali berbeda dari realitas. Bahkan, kenyataan sebenarnya itu bisa jauh dari apa yang kita bayangkan.
Kesimpulannya, hati-hati dengan pikiranmu. Usahakan jangan langsung membuat kesimpulan tentang apapun yang kita lihat ato denger.
25 March 2010
Family is No. 1
Family is number one.
That what I've always been told ever since I was a child, either in school, society or my own family.
Dulu gw ga ngerti kenapa semua orang mentingin keluarga dan bahkan memprioritaskan keluarga buat jadi nomor satu dalam hidup mereka.
But now, I understand.
Dulu, gw ga deket sama keluarga gw sendiri. Gw ngerasa gw tuh kyk 'alien' karena perbedaan karakter, sifat dan kepribadian dari kedua nci gw. Selain itu, gw juga suka ngerasa pandangan hidup gw beda sama ortu, yg akhirnya membuat gw berpikir kalo gw itu ga bisa deket sama mereka. Makanya dulu gw pikir keluarga bukan nomor satu.
Atau belum menjadi nomor satu.
Tapi, seiring berjalannya waktu, gw juga sadar kalo skrg gw bukan anak SMA, or even anak uni lagi. Gw udah mulai memasuki tahap menjadi orang dewasa.
Bukan berarti gw mo berbangga diri, tapi pandangan gw tentang hidup jelas udah beda kalo dibandingin jaman sekolah dulu. Sekarang gw sadar kalo gw bertanggung jawab atas hidup gw sendiri. Selain itu, gw juga punya tanggung jawab buat menjaga keluarga gw.
Dan semua itu berawal dari kelahiran sang keponakan, Joshua.
Sekarang gw sadar kalo gw udah memasuki generasi yg lebih tua. Yang harus bisa menjaga generasi yg lebih muda, khususnya anak2 manusia yg baru dateng ke dunia kyk si Joshua.
Akhirnya gw pun berkesimpulan kalo gw ga boleh lagi mellow2 tentang masa lalu atau bersikap cengeng ini itu. Malu umur rasanya kalo inget muka Joshua.
Selain itu, kedatangan Joshua ke dunia juga mendatangkan sang kakek-nenek ke Australia. Baru setaon gw ga liat muka mereka, tapi gw tetep kaget waktu ngeliat muka mereka. Kaget karena gw baru sadar kalo manusia itu cepet banget jadi tua.
Ngeliat keadaan fisik ortu yg semakin lama semakin keriput, gw pun sadar kalo gw mesti bisa menjaga mereka. Sekarang, udah saatnya giliran gw buat ngebantu atau nyediain apapun kebutuhan ortu. Meskipun mereka belum tua2 banget, tapi umur manusia siapa sih yang tau. Makanya, selama kita semua masih bernafas, gw pengen gw bisa membahagiakan ortu gw.
Dan harapan itu membuahkan sebuah keputusan yang cukup besar efeknya dalam hidup gw, kalo gw bener2 ngejalaninnya.
Sekarang, udah saatnya gw bertindak buat keluarga, khususnya kedua orang tua.
Pada saatnya nanti, kalau semuanya lancar, gw bakal pulang dan berkumpul lagi sama mereka.
Just wait and be patient, karena 'Orang sabar itu disayang Tuhan', begitu kata nyokap gw sebelum dia terbang ke Jakarta.
Thanks Mom for your message. I know you wanna say something else, but I've got what you mean from only those few words.
That what I've always been told ever since I was a child, either in school, society or my own family.
Dulu gw ga ngerti kenapa semua orang mentingin keluarga dan bahkan memprioritaskan keluarga buat jadi nomor satu dalam hidup mereka.
But now, I understand.
Dulu, gw ga deket sama keluarga gw sendiri. Gw ngerasa gw tuh kyk 'alien' karena perbedaan karakter, sifat dan kepribadian dari kedua nci gw. Selain itu, gw juga suka ngerasa pandangan hidup gw beda sama ortu, yg akhirnya membuat gw berpikir kalo gw itu ga bisa deket sama mereka. Makanya dulu gw pikir keluarga bukan nomor satu.
Atau belum menjadi nomor satu.
Tapi, seiring berjalannya waktu, gw juga sadar kalo skrg gw bukan anak SMA, or even anak uni lagi. Gw udah mulai memasuki tahap menjadi orang dewasa.
Bukan berarti gw mo berbangga diri, tapi pandangan gw tentang hidup jelas udah beda kalo dibandingin jaman sekolah dulu. Sekarang gw sadar kalo gw bertanggung jawab atas hidup gw sendiri. Selain itu, gw juga punya tanggung jawab buat menjaga keluarga gw.
Dan semua itu berawal dari kelahiran sang keponakan, Joshua.
Sekarang gw sadar kalo gw udah memasuki generasi yg lebih tua. Yang harus bisa menjaga generasi yg lebih muda, khususnya anak2 manusia yg baru dateng ke dunia kyk si Joshua.
Akhirnya gw pun berkesimpulan kalo gw ga boleh lagi mellow2 tentang masa lalu atau bersikap cengeng ini itu. Malu umur rasanya kalo inget muka Joshua.
Selain itu, kedatangan Joshua ke dunia juga mendatangkan sang kakek-nenek ke Australia. Baru setaon gw ga liat muka mereka, tapi gw tetep kaget waktu ngeliat muka mereka. Kaget karena gw baru sadar kalo manusia itu cepet banget jadi tua.
Ngeliat keadaan fisik ortu yg semakin lama semakin keriput, gw pun sadar kalo gw mesti bisa menjaga mereka. Sekarang, udah saatnya giliran gw buat ngebantu atau nyediain apapun kebutuhan ortu. Meskipun mereka belum tua2 banget, tapi umur manusia siapa sih yang tau. Makanya, selama kita semua masih bernafas, gw pengen gw bisa membahagiakan ortu gw.
Dan harapan itu membuahkan sebuah keputusan yang cukup besar efeknya dalam hidup gw, kalo gw bener2 ngejalaninnya.
Sekarang, udah saatnya gw bertindak buat keluarga, khususnya kedua orang tua.
Pada saatnya nanti, kalau semuanya lancar, gw bakal pulang dan berkumpul lagi sama mereka.
Just wait and be patient, karena 'Orang sabar itu disayang Tuhan', begitu kata nyokap gw sebelum dia terbang ke Jakarta.
Thanks Mom for your message. I know you wanna say something else, but I've got what you mean from only those few words.
05 March 2010
When I have time to blog...
Chaos.
But exciting.
Yeah! Akhirnya gw punya waktu (ato nyediain waktu) buat blogging lagi. Setelah gw pikir2, taon ini gw belom pernah buat posting yg bener2 'serius' dan berisi. Semuanya kyk cuma sekedar curhatan gw aja tentang apa yg mau gw jalanin buat masa depan atau tentang perubahan di taon ini.
But well, what can I do? Taon ini gw emg bener2 sibuk, khususnya semenjak Joshua lahir. Hubungannya buat gw yahh...banyak.
1. Kedatangan si kakek-nenek Joshua (alias ortu) ke Sydney lumayan menyita waktu gw di rumah. Secara wkt luang gw cuma malem hari pas weekdays & sepanjang hari pas weekend, gw harus rela waktu2 tersebut dipenuhi dengan celotehan bonyok atau ajakan2 pergi dari mereka. Yah, maklum deh, namanya juga 'turis', tetep aja butuh jalan2.
2. Waktu luang tersebut diperpendek dengan keharusan gw buat belajar. Khususnya minggu ini, gw udah mulai panik krn projek yg bakal due minggu depan. I know, I've still got a week. Tapi justru itu, gw jadi panik, karena gw ga mau 'kejer tayang' di batas2 waktu terakhir (I'm full-time worker not full-time student). Jadi, ga lucu banget kalo gw mesti panik2an di saat gw lagi kerja.
3. Ditambah lagi dengan acara2 keluarga lainnya. Secara keadaan rumah sekarang lagi rame (krn pada dtg dr Indo), mau ga mau, gw jg mesti 'meramaikan' suasana alias pasang tampang ato komen sana sini kalo lagi ada bincang2 keluarga.
Belum lagi dengan perubahan dalam hidup gw sendiri:
1. Akhirnya gw memutuskan buat keluar dari tempet kerja gw sekarang. Selain karena dapet kerjaan baru, gw juga punya alasan lain yg sifatnya lebih pribadi. Bukan karena tempet kerja gw yg skrg itu jelek ato nyebelin. Justru, gw bisa bilang kalo tempet krja gw skrg ini comfy abis, lingkungan krjanya oke banget karena hampir semua orang di sini saling membantu satu sama lain. Tapi gw jg sadar, cepet ato lambet, gw pasti akan meninggalkan tempat ini. Jadi, gw anggep ini adalah sebuah proses dalam kehidupan.
2. Selain itu, gw juga udah punya rencana jangka panjang. Rencana ini mgkn akan mengubah hidup gw sepenuhnya krn gw memutuskan untuk keluar dari 'comfort zone' gw dan mencoba masuk ke dalam 'dunia lain'. Maksudnya bukan dunia hantu, tapi dunia di mana gw akan ketemu org2 baru, tinggal di tempet baru dan mencari ilmu baru. Gw sadar sepenuhnya gw sedang berada dalam proses pencarian jati diri. Kedengerannya klise, tapi memang proses ini sedang terjadi di dlm hidup gw. So, until I come to the right time, I will let you know what I am going to do.
3. Gw belajar untuk berani mengambil keputusan tanpa tekanan. Maksudnya di sini, gw belajar untuk mengambil keputusan buat diri gw sendiri, bukan buat org lain. Gw yakin, hampir dari sebagian banyak org mengambil keputusan hidup bukan utk diri sendiri. Mereka cenderung melakukan sesuatu untuk org lain, utk masyarakat (supaya dipandang 'layak'), keluarga (tipikal buat student yg dipaksa masuk ke jurusan yg ortu mau) atau temen2 (termasuk bela2in pacar). Kali ini gw mencoba untuk membuat independent decision. I know it might not make sense, tapi manusia punya hak buat menentukan jalan hidupnya masing2.
Anyway, kyknya gw udah buat another boring stuff. Well yeah...I promise I'll do it better next time.
But exciting.
Yeah! Akhirnya gw punya waktu (ato nyediain waktu) buat blogging lagi. Setelah gw pikir2, taon ini gw belom pernah buat posting yg bener2 'serius' dan berisi. Semuanya kyk cuma sekedar curhatan gw aja tentang apa yg mau gw jalanin buat masa depan atau tentang perubahan di taon ini.
But well, what can I do? Taon ini gw emg bener2 sibuk, khususnya semenjak Joshua lahir. Hubungannya buat gw yahh...banyak.
1. Kedatangan si kakek-nenek Joshua (alias ortu) ke Sydney lumayan menyita waktu gw di rumah. Secara wkt luang gw cuma malem hari pas weekdays & sepanjang hari pas weekend, gw harus rela waktu2 tersebut dipenuhi dengan celotehan bonyok atau ajakan2 pergi dari mereka. Yah, maklum deh, namanya juga 'turis', tetep aja butuh jalan2.
2. Waktu luang tersebut diperpendek dengan keharusan gw buat belajar. Khususnya minggu ini, gw udah mulai panik krn projek yg bakal due minggu depan. I know, I've still got a week. Tapi justru itu, gw jadi panik, karena gw ga mau 'kejer tayang' di batas2 waktu terakhir (I'm full-time worker not full-time student). Jadi, ga lucu banget kalo gw mesti panik2an di saat gw lagi kerja.
3. Ditambah lagi dengan acara2 keluarga lainnya. Secara keadaan rumah sekarang lagi rame (krn pada dtg dr Indo), mau ga mau, gw jg mesti 'meramaikan' suasana alias pasang tampang ato komen sana sini kalo lagi ada bincang2 keluarga.
Belum lagi dengan perubahan dalam hidup gw sendiri:
1. Akhirnya gw memutuskan buat keluar dari tempet kerja gw sekarang. Selain karena dapet kerjaan baru, gw juga punya alasan lain yg sifatnya lebih pribadi. Bukan karena tempet kerja gw yg skrg itu jelek ato nyebelin. Justru, gw bisa bilang kalo tempet krja gw skrg ini comfy abis, lingkungan krjanya oke banget karena hampir semua orang di sini saling membantu satu sama lain. Tapi gw jg sadar, cepet ato lambet, gw pasti akan meninggalkan tempat ini. Jadi, gw anggep ini adalah sebuah proses dalam kehidupan.
2. Selain itu, gw juga udah punya rencana jangka panjang. Rencana ini mgkn akan mengubah hidup gw sepenuhnya krn gw memutuskan untuk keluar dari 'comfort zone' gw dan mencoba masuk ke dalam 'dunia lain'. Maksudnya bukan dunia hantu, tapi dunia di mana gw akan ketemu org2 baru, tinggal di tempet baru dan mencari ilmu baru. Gw sadar sepenuhnya gw sedang berada dalam proses pencarian jati diri. Kedengerannya klise, tapi memang proses ini sedang terjadi di dlm hidup gw. So, until I come to the right time, I will let you know what I am going to do.
3. Gw belajar untuk berani mengambil keputusan tanpa tekanan. Maksudnya di sini, gw belajar untuk mengambil keputusan buat diri gw sendiri, bukan buat org lain. Gw yakin, hampir dari sebagian banyak org mengambil keputusan hidup bukan utk diri sendiri. Mereka cenderung melakukan sesuatu untuk org lain, utk masyarakat (supaya dipandang 'layak'), keluarga (tipikal buat student yg dipaksa masuk ke jurusan yg ortu mau) atau temen2 (termasuk bela2in pacar). Kali ini gw mencoba untuk membuat independent decision. I know it might not make sense, tapi manusia punya hak buat menentukan jalan hidupnya masing2.
Anyway, kyknya gw udah buat another boring stuff. Well yeah...I promise I'll do it better next time.
20 February 2010
What do you say of taking chances?
Tadi sore gw baru abis nonton Celine: Through The Eyes of The World
Dan gw cuma bisa bilang: A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.
Dan gw cuma bisa bilang: A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.
Gw bukan salah seorang fans berat Celine Dion. Selama ini gw cuma menganggap dia sebagai salah satu penyanyi yg kelasnya jauh lebih elegan dan talentanya luar biasa. Tapi, setelah nonton film ini, gw bener2 angkat jempol buat dia. Karena Celine bener2 seorang Diva sejati!
She is totally gorgeous, extraordinary and a really humble person.
Melihat perjalanan turnya keliling dunia bener2 membuka mata kalo dunia tuh bener2 luas dan kita, manusia, ga akan pernah bisa tau semua hal, mengalami semua hal, dan melihat semua hal di dalam dunia. Ketika dia ketemu sama banyak orang, entah itu fans beratnya, Presiden Perancis, atau orang2 terdekatnya, dia selalu humble, ga jadi sok ngartis, dan ga takut jelek. She is just being herself and she always do whatever she can to make all people happy.
The funny thing is, seminggu terakhir ini di dalam otak gw lagi ada satu lagu yg terngiang2 terus. Gw tau nadanya tapi ga tau judul lagu ato penyanyinya siapa. Dan pas tadi gw lagi ntn Celine, salah satu background songnya itu lagu yg ada di dalam kepala gw, which means it's one of Celine's songs.
Penasaran setengah mati, pulang rumah gw langsung googl-ing lagu itu. Dan ternyata lagu itu judulnya 'Taking Chances - Celine Dion'. *stunned*
Kenapa gw sampe jadi stunned? Soalnya lagunya sumpah inspirational banget. Entah kenapa, tuh lagu kyk lagi menggambarkan feeling gw akhir2 ini. Well, gw bukannya bermaksud jadi hiperbola, tapi kenyataannya emg kebetulan aja di otak gw terngiang2 lagu Celine seminggu terakhir ini, dan kmrn gw tiba2 impulse pengen ntn film Celine.
So, I dunno what else I can say except that I'm getting really really motivated & inspired by all changes happened around me, including Celine's stories.
Regardless it's really a sign for me or just simply a coincidence, I'd rather believe that 'There is no accident in this world' (as well as coincidence).
So, What do you say if I'm taking chances?
18 February 2010
Change or Not Change?
Perubahan ada supaya manusia bisa bergerak dan terus maju.
Percaya atau ngga, suka ga suka, terima atau ngga, kita harus bisa menerima perubahan dalam hidup.
Entah dalam skala besar atau kecil, perubahan pada awalnya mungkin tidak menyenangkan. Tapi, sekali kita, manusia, bisa menerima dan mengikuti pergerakan dalam perubahan, percaya deh. Hidupmu akan jauh lebih menyenangkan.
Hah! Sok filosofis banget gw hari ini. Sebenernya bukan hari ini yg membawa pikiran gw ke arah perubahan. Lebih tepatnya, beberapa hari terakhir ini, gw dihadapkan dengan banyak perubahan yang (mungkin) akan terjadi di dalam hidup gw.
1. Si Dia akan pergi.
Orang terdekat gw bakal pergi alias pindah rumah. Sedih? Ngga juga, soalnya pindahnya ga jauh2 amat hehe.. Tapi, perubahan yg bakal dialami oleh dia (lebih tepatnya) ternyata akan membawa dampak yg cukup signifikan buat hidup gw. Soalnya gw sering nongkrong di rumahnya khususnya kalo lagi ga ada kerjaan pas weekend.
2. Confidence brings me to the sky
Kepercayaan diri ga membuat manusia menjadi congkak, tapi kepercayaan diri justru membuat manusia bisa jadi apa aja yang dia mau. Dan gw baru aja membuktikan hal itu. Gw percaya gw pantes mendapatkan yang terbaik. Dengan usaha terbaik gw, akhirnya jalan menuju hasil terbaik terbuka juga. Pada saatnya nanti, gw bakal cerita lebih lengkap. Untuk saat ini, cukup percaya aja kalo kita bisa menjadi apapun yg kita inginkan (bahkan utk jadi artis sinetron atau secantik Sandra Dewi sekalipun).
3. When they are changed, I must be changed
Kali ini bukan tentang gw, melainkan tentang mereka. Yg gw maksud di sini itu adalah sebuah komunitas yang akan menjalani sebuah perubahan radikal dalam waktu dekat ini. Efeknya ke gw sebenernya udah ga ada, tapi secara gw dulu pernah aktif di dalamnya, gw bisa merasakan perubahan ini akan membawa dampak yg amat sangat besar buat org2 yang ada di dalam komunitas tersebut. Banyak yg kecewa sama perubahan yg akan terjadi, tapi gw yakin, kalo ga ada perubahan, siapa pun ga akan bisa maju.
4. Someone new & something new in The Family
Percaya deh. Kelahiran seorang anak mengubah segalanya. Hidup kedua orangtuanya ga akan pernah sama lagi. Dan begitu juga dengan hidup salah seorang tantenya. Yup. Ga perlu pake logika buat ngebuktiinya, kedatangan seorang manusia baru di dalam dunia gw telah mengubah kehidupan orang2 dewasa di sekitarnya Contohnya dengan mobil baru, baju baru, dan semangat baru. Pernah denger kan, kalo kita lagi berada di dalam lingkup org2 muda, kita jadi ngerasa lebih muda, energetik, dan bersemangat lagi?
5. Be aspired and decided. Thanks to Andrea Hirata.
Kalo yg pernah baca buku 'Laskar Pelangi' karya Andrea Hirata, mgkn masih inget sama ceritanya yang berdasarkan pengalaman hidup si Andrea yg sebenernya. Masih inget juga pasti kalo dia yg dulunya sekolah di sebuah sekolah miskin dan lusuh, punya cita2 tinggi pengen sekolah ke Perancis. Dengan tekad kuat yg dipegang terus sampai beranjak dewasa, akhirnya membawa dia bener2 ngeliat Eiffel Tower dengan mata kepala sendiri. Dari sini, gw percaya dan yakin banget kalo 'Nothing is impossible'. Dan pertanyaannya sekarang, apakah kita mau membuat sesuatu yang ga mungkin jadi mungkin? Coz I do.
I know I might sound boring, lame and this topic is totally not interesting. Tapi, bukan itu yg mau gw sampein di sini. Mungkin banyak di antara orang2 seumuran gw yg ngerasa mikirin hidup tuh belum penting. Yg penting enjoy aja dulu. Well, I'm sorry that I'm not like the other peers. I didn't say that I'm a better person. It's just, sometimes you do really need to think what is the value of your life? Is your life meaningful afterall? Have you got what you are looking for in this world?
Coz I haven't got it. I'm still looking for it and I'm sure I'll find it someday.
Percaya atau ngga, suka ga suka, terima atau ngga, kita harus bisa menerima perubahan dalam hidup.
Entah dalam skala besar atau kecil, perubahan pada awalnya mungkin tidak menyenangkan. Tapi, sekali kita, manusia, bisa menerima dan mengikuti pergerakan dalam perubahan, percaya deh. Hidupmu akan jauh lebih menyenangkan.
Hah! Sok filosofis banget gw hari ini. Sebenernya bukan hari ini yg membawa pikiran gw ke arah perubahan. Lebih tepatnya, beberapa hari terakhir ini, gw dihadapkan dengan banyak perubahan yang (mungkin) akan terjadi di dalam hidup gw.
1. Si Dia akan pergi.
Orang terdekat gw bakal pergi alias pindah rumah. Sedih? Ngga juga, soalnya pindahnya ga jauh2 amat hehe.. Tapi, perubahan yg bakal dialami oleh dia (lebih tepatnya) ternyata akan membawa dampak yg cukup signifikan buat hidup gw. Soalnya gw sering nongkrong di rumahnya khususnya kalo lagi ga ada kerjaan pas weekend.
2. Confidence brings me to the sky
Kepercayaan diri ga membuat manusia menjadi congkak, tapi kepercayaan diri justru membuat manusia bisa jadi apa aja yang dia mau. Dan gw baru aja membuktikan hal itu. Gw percaya gw pantes mendapatkan yang terbaik. Dengan usaha terbaik gw, akhirnya jalan menuju hasil terbaik terbuka juga. Pada saatnya nanti, gw bakal cerita lebih lengkap. Untuk saat ini, cukup percaya aja kalo kita bisa menjadi apapun yg kita inginkan (bahkan utk jadi artis sinetron atau secantik Sandra Dewi sekalipun).
3. When they are changed, I must be changed
Kali ini bukan tentang gw, melainkan tentang mereka. Yg gw maksud di sini itu adalah sebuah komunitas yang akan menjalani sebuah perubahan radikal dalam waktu dekat ini. Efeknya ke gw sebenernya udah ga ada, tapi secara gw dulu pernah aktif di dalamnya, gw bisa merasakan perubahan ini akan membawa dampak yg amat sangat besar buat org2 yang ada di dalam komunitas tersebut. Banyak yg kecewa sama perubahan yg akan terjadi, tapi gw yakin, kalo ga ada perubahan, siapa pun ga akan bisa maju.
4. Someone new & something new in The Family
Percaya deh. Kelahiran seorang anak mengubah segalanya. Hidup kedua orangtuanya ga akan pernah sama lagi. Dan begitu juga dengan hidup salah seorang tantenya. Yup. Ga perlu pake logika buat ngebuktiinya, kedatangan seorang manusia baru di dalam dunia gw telah mengubah kehidupan orang2 dewasa di sekitarnya Contohnya dengan mobil baru, baju baru, dan semangat baru. Pernah denger kan, kalo kita lagi berada di dalam lingkup org2 muda, kita jadi ngerasa lebih muda, energetik, dan bersemangat lagi?
5. Be aspired and decided. Thanks to Andrea Hirata.
Kalo yg pernah baca buku 'Laskar Pelangi' karya Andrea Hirata, mgkn masih inget sama ceritanya yang berdasarkan pengalaman hidup si Andrea yg sebenernya. Masih inget juga pasti kalo dia yg dulunya sekolah di sebuah sekolah miskin dan lusuh, punya cita2 tinggi pengen sekolah ke Perancis. Dengan tekad kuat yg dipegang terus sampai beranjak dewasa, akhirnya membawa dia bener2 ngeliat Eiffel Tower dengan mata kepala sendiri. Dari sini, gw percaya dan yakin banget kalo 'Nothing is impossible'. Dan pertanyaannya sekarang, apakah kita mau membuat sesuatu yang ga mungkin jadi mungkin? Coz I do.
I know I might sound boring, lame and this topic is totally not interesting. Tapi, bukan itu yg mau gw sampein di sini. Mungkin banyak di antara orang2 seumuran gw yg ngerasa mikirin hidup tuh belum penting. Yg penting enjoy aja dulu. Well, I'm sorry that I'm not like the other peers. I didn't say that I'm a better person. It's just, sometimes you do really need to think what is the value of your life? Is your life meaningful afterall? Have you got what you are looking for in this world?
Coz I haven't got it. I'm still looking for it and I'm sure I'll find it someday.
17 February 2010
Keep Learning & Be Awesome!
Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentine's Day on 14th February 2010.
May everyone of you be wealthy, healthy & prosperous in this Tiger year and of course, may everyone be fulfilled with love & care.
Ok guys, berhubung terbatasnya waktu dan tempat yg gw punya sekarang, gw langsung aja summarize apa yg terjadi dalam hidup gw akhir2 ini:
1. Setelah mendapatkan homesick yg amat sangat buruk, gw akhirnya tenang juga. Gw sadar kalo gw ga bisa membalikkan waktu atau pun memajukan waktu supaya dia berjalan sesuai dengan apa yang gw mau. Gw juga sadar kalo gw ga bisa 'strecthing nature' means gw ga bisa expect apa yang gw pengen langsung ada di depan mata gw. Semuanya butuh waktu, kesabaran, dan juga doa.
2. I know I might sound a bit like a child who is trying badly to get what he wants and would cry and cry if he doesn't get it eventually. Tapi gw sadar kalo gw udah gede, udah jadi orang dewasa. Bahkan sekarang udah punya keponakan, means generation gw bukan anak kecil atau anak ABG lagi. Inilah saatnya di mana gw harus bisa mikir dengan jelas ttg masa depan gw. Tentang jalan mana yg mau gw lewatin. Tentang apa yg mau gw lakukan. Dan dengan siapa aja gw mau dikelilingi di dalam hidup gw.
3. Belajar menjalani hidup sendiri dan belajar membuat keputusan dalam hidup. Pelajaran kyk gini bener2 ga gampang. Seringkali kita ngeliat diri kita di masa depan maunya jadi kyk apa. Atau, kita ngeliat kehidupan org lain yg keliatannya lebih enak dan kita pengen bgt hidup kita bakal jadi kyk hidup mereka. Dan gw juga sering ngalamin yg kyk gini. Ngerasa ga puas sama hidup sendiri, ngerasa hidup gw selalu ada yg kurang, ngerasa hidup gw kurang hepi. Padahal semuanya udah ada di depan mata gw. Cuma gw-nya yg suka kelupaan dan ga belajar dari hidup.
4. Terus belajar melupakan masa lalu dan menahan diri untuk tidak mementingkan masa depan. 'Yesterday is a history, Tomorrow is a mystery and Today is a gift. That's why it's called a Present'. Dan gw suka lupa ngebuka present gw sendiri, gw suka lupa kalo 'kado' yg ada di hadapan gw itu jauh lebih penting dr 'kado' yg udah lewat atau yg bakal dateng ke dalam hidup gw.
5. Belajar menjadi orang dewasa yg bener2 dewasa. Secara gw gampang 'panasan' apalagi kalo udah ada yg ngungkit2 masa lalu, gw skrg mulai berpikir sebelum bertindak. Apa yg gw lakuin itu bener? Apa yg gw pikirin itu worth it utk dipikirin terus menerus? Dan kenapa gw harus 'uring2an' kalo apa yg terjadi ga sesuai dengan harapan gw?
In summary, I'll never stop learning. I will keep being a student of the University of Life. Tentu aja, ga semua hal yg gw jalanin itu enak. Ada saat di mana masa lalu tiba2 dtg di hadapan gw, dan menunjukkan fakta bahwa semua yg udah terjadi ga akan terulang lagi. Tapi ada juga saat di mana gw bisa ngerasa seneng dan bebas ngelakuin apa aja dalam hidup ini, yg mengingatkan gw akan kekuatan gw bahwa gw bisa jadi apa aja yg gw mau.
And the good thing is, I have been granted with a Freedom of Life:
Kebebasan untuk hidup, berkarya, dan berjalan ke mana pun yg gw mau.
I'm really thankful especially for him and my family. You guys never say NO for whatever I've done and always say YES for whatever I wanna do.
I promise you guys I won't let you down. I will get rid of all those ex-es, grab all present-s and face all future-s coming ahead.
2010, Just see what Yenny can do with you.
She should have been awesome!
May everyone of you be wealthy, healthy & prosperous in this Tiger year and of course, may everyone be fulfilled with love & care.
Ok guys, berhubung terbatasnya waktu dan tempat yg gw punya sekarang, gw langsung aja summarize apa yg terjadi dalam hidup gw akhir2 ini:
1. Setelah mendapatkan homesick yg amat sangat buruk, gw akhirnya tenang juga. Gw sadar kalo gw ga bisa membalikkan waktu atau pun memajukan waktu supaya dia berjalan sesuai dengan apa yang gw mau. Gw juga sadar kalo gw ga bisa 'strecthing nature' means gw ga bisa expect apa yang gw pengen langsung ada di depan mata gw. Semuanya butuh waktu, kesabaran, dan juga doa.
2. I know I might sound a bit like a child who is trying badly to get what he wants and would cry and cry if he doesn't get it eventually. Tapi gw sadar kalo gw udah gede, udah jadi orang dewasa. Bahkan sekarang udah punya keponakan, means generation gw bukan anak kecil atau anak ABG lagi. Inilah saatnya di mana gw harus bisa mikir dengan jelas ttg masa depan gw. Tentang jalan mana yg mau gw lewatin. Tentang apa yg mau gw lakukan. Dan dengan siapa aja gw mau dikelilingi di dalam hidup gw.
3. Belajar menjalani hidup sendiri dan belajar membuat keputusan dalam hidup. Pelajaran kyk gini bener2 ga gampang. Seringkali kita ngeliat diri kita di masa depan maunya jadi kyk apa. Atau, kita ngeliat kehidupan org lain yg keliatannya lebih enak dan kita pengen bgt hidup kita bakal jadi kyk hidup mereka. Dan gw juga sering ngalamin yg kyk gini. Ngerasa ga puas sama hidup sendiri, ngerasa hidup gw selalu ada yg kurang, ngerasa hidup gw kurang hepi. Padahal semuanya udah ada di depan mata gw. Cuma gw-nya yg suka kelupaan dan ga belajar dari hidup.
4. Terus belajar melupakan masa lalu dan menahan diri untuk tidak mementingkan masa depan. 'Yesterday is a history, Tomorrow is a mystery and Today is a gift. That's why it's called a Present'. Dan gw suka lupa ngebuka present gw sendiri, gw suka lupa kalo 'kado' yg ada di hadapan gw itu jauh lebih penting dr 'kado' yg udah lewat atau yg bakal dateng ke dalam hidup gw.
5. Belajar menjadi orang dewasa yg bener2 dewasa. Secara gw gampang 'panasan' apalagi kalo udah ada yg ngungkit2 masa lalu, gw skrg mulai berpikir sebelum bertindak. Apa yg gw lakuin itu bener? Apa yg gw pikirin itu worth it utk dipikirin terus menerus? Dan kenapa gw harus 'uring2an' kalo apa yg terjadi ga sesuai dengan harapan gw?
In summary, I'll never stop learning. I will keep being a student of the University of Life. Tentu aja, ga semua hal yg gw jalanin itu enak. Ada saat di mana masa lalu tiba2 dtg di hadapan gw, dan menunjukkan fakta bahwa semua yg udah terjadi ga akan terulang lagi. Tapi ada juga saat di mana gw bisa ngerasa seneng dan bebas ngelakuin apa aja dalam hidup ini, yg mengingatkan gw akan kekuatan gw bahwa gw bisa jadi apa aja yg gw mau.
And the good thing is, I have been granted with a Freedom of Life:
Kebebasan untuk hidup, berkarya, dan berjalan ke mana pun yg gw mau.
I'm really thankful especially for him and my family. You guys never say NO for whatever I've done and always say YES for whatever I wanna do.
I promise you guys I won't let you down. I will get rid of all those ex-es, grab all present-s and face all future-s coming ahead.
2010, Just see what Yenny can do with you.
She should have been awesome!
10 February 2010
I.am.sorry.
I.am.sorry.
For my own blog. For neglecting him for so long. For not even take a peep and feed those little fish.
And it's February now!
Who wouldn't thought that time is really this fast? Noone coz this is an absolute truth that I found to be a truly totally and even primarily absolute truth.
Waallaooo..What am I talking about, heh?!
So my day has been so busy with my overcrowded mind. Thinking too much and doing too many things at the same time really can make you thinner and ill. But don't worry larr...I haven't got ill (yet).
It's just...I dunno...this last one month, I'm really squizzing my mind to think about my future, what I should do, where should I go. Too many options, too many risks, too many people's perspectives...
So, let's not talk about myself as it just can make your life more complicated only to read about my overthinking life-stories.
Now, what are people up to? 14th February is coming really really soon.
Internationally, it's a Valentine's Day. Traditionally by Chinese, it will be a Chinese New Year.
Yeahhh!!! Ang pao na laiii.....
As I just remember that I'm being the elder generation, I'm not getting really excited this time. CNY day, Money day.
Savings for the kids, Spending for the adults. And I will do the later one. Haiz..
But, no complaint larr...it should be a joyous day. So, make sure you buy new clothes, including your underwear, get haircut, nailcut, eyebrow trim, moustache trim (?!), etc.
New year has to be fresh and so do you and I, okay?!
For my own blog. For neglecting him for so long. For not even take a peep and feed those little fish.
And it's February now!
Who wouldn't thought that time is really this fast? Noone coz this is an absolute truth that I found to be a truly totally and even primarily absolute truth.
Waallaooo..What am I talking about, heh?!
So my day has been so busy with my overcrowded mind. Thinking too much and doing too many things at the same time really can make you thinner and ill. But don't worry larr...I haven't got ill (yet).
It's just...I dunno...this last one month, I'm really squizzing my mind to think about my future, what I should do, where should I go. Too many options, too many risks, too many people's perspectives...
So, let's not talk about myself as it just can make your life more complicated only to read about my overthinking life-stories.
Now, what are people up to? 14th February is coming really really soon.
Internationally, it's a Valentine's Day. Traditionally by Chinese, it will be a Chinese New Year.
Yeahhh!!! Ang pao na laiii.....
As I just remember that I'm being the elder generation, I'm not getting really excited this time. CNY day, Money day.
Savings for the kids, Spending for the adults. And I will do the later one. Haiz..
But, no complaint larr...it should be a joyous day. So, make sure you buy new clothes, including your underwear, get haircut, nailcut, eyebrow trim, moustache trim (?!), etc.
New year has to be fresh and so do you and I, okay?!
01 February 2010
Please Just Let Me Home
It's been a while since Joshua was born yet I have no time at all to update this blog.
Like I said before, it was pretty hectic these last two weeks and for me, I've got a very short term roommate who was my mom.
So, it was a first time for my mom coming here alone by herself while we were sharing room by just the two of us. To be honest, at first, I felt nothing like mother-and-daughter feeling about sharing after not seeing each other for quite sometime. It might be because I'm not used to talk and share with my her. The situation is when I call her and try to talk, both of us are talking and we finally end up with arguing each other. That's why I'd rather talk general things than my problems or issues I'm facing here.
But then, mother's instinct could not be eliminated. She finally knew everything as she saw what I'm doing everyday and what other people have done. I'm not going to mention the issue though, as it was quite confidential, yet, the main point is she understood what I'm feeling.
I didn't need to tell her everything, but she could figure out herself. She could see from my perspective and I was totally glad for that. Now, I can see how a mother is really care about her children and she is actually the one who can totally understand her children's feelings. And without any shame I must admit that I just discovered and experienced this motherly-instinct thing.
And now that brings me with feeling homesick just after her return to Indo last night. Since I was here, I'd never had such a feeling. I was alright before and after I came back from Indo. But yesterday I was suddenly feeling so sad. I felt that I've been left alone here while my mother has gone away. I felt like being a 5-year old girl who was afraid of being alone in the middle of a big shopping centre. I felt like I was desperately finding my mom so that I can go home with her.
I miss my home, my dad, my mom, my big sister...
I wanna go home and never come back again...
I wish I could do that...
Just let me go home...
Like I said before, it was pretty hectic these last two weeks and for me, I've got a very short term roommate who was my mom.
So, it was a first time for my mom coming here alone by herself while we were sharing room by just the two of us. To be honest, at first, I felt nothing like mother-and-daughter feeling about sharing after not seeing each other for quite sometime. It might be because I'm not used to talk and share with my her. The situation is when I call her and try to talk, both of us are talking and we finally end up with arguing each other. That's why I'd rather talk general things than my problems or issues I'm facing here.
But then, mother's instinct could not be eliminated. She finally knew everything as she saw what I'm doing everyday and what other people have done. I'm not going to mention the issue though, as it was quite confidential, yet, the main point is she understood what I'm feeling.
I didn't need to tell her everything, but she could figure out herself. She could see from my perspective and I was totally glad for that. Now, I can see how a mother is really care about her children and she is actually the one who can totally understand her children's feelings. And without any shame I must admit that I just discovered and experienced this motherly-instinct thing.
And now that brings me with feeling homesick just after her return to Indo last night. Since I was here, I'd never had such a feeling. I was alright before and after I came back from Indo. But yesterday I was suddenly feeling so sad. I felt that I've been left alone here while my mother has gone away. I felt like being a 5-year old girl who was afraid of being alone in the middle of a big shopping centre. I felt like I was desperately finding my mom so that I can go home with her.
I miss my home, my dad, my mom, my big sister...
I wanna go home and never come back again...
I wish I could do that...
Just let me go home...
21 January 2010
Welcome Aboard, Joshua!
Finally I've got sometime to update my blog.
These last few days have been so hectic (even now). It's because I've got a new family member coming into my home.
He was born on Sunday night, 17th January 2010 at 23:22. And I witnessed every single step of his arrival into this world.
You know, not so many people, especially women, would like to watch the delivery process. I didn't mean to be proud for being so brave to watch everything. To be honest, at that time, I didn't think that I should get out and wait outside. I thought, if he's going to born now, so be it. After all, who doesn't want to see the baby born?
Anyway, I couldn't tell much right now. It seems to be a chaos around here, with the baby born, his two grandmas arrived from Jakarta, the new parents, etc, etc..
What I can say, I'm proud to have a nephew like Joshua.
Be a good boy, okay?!
These last few days have been so hectic (even now). It's because I've got a new family member coming into my home.
His name is Joshua.
He was born on Sunday night, 17th January 2010 at 23:22. And I witnessed every single step of his arrival into this world.
You know, not so many people, especially women, would like to watch the delivery process. I didn't mean to be proud for being so brave to watch everything. To be honest, at that time, I didn't think that I should get out and wait outside. I thought, if he's going to born now, so be it. After all, who doesn't want to see the baby born?
Anyway, I couldn't tell much right now. It seems to be a chaos around here, with the baby born, his two grandmas arrived from Jakarta, the new parents, etc, etc..
What I can say, I'm proud to have a nephew like Joshua.
Be a good boy, okay?!
13 January 2010
Content of The Day
Hari ini gw ngerasa content abis.
Dimulai dengan bangun pagi yang sebenernya telat bangun, berakibat kepala berat dan rada sakit waktu sampe di kantor, tapi hari gw diisi dengan kegiatan yang cukup memeras otak dan menguras tenaga buat mikir (Yap. Mikir itu butuh tenaga).
Aslinya di kantor gw justru lagi ga ada kerjaan. Akibatnya, yang bukan sepenuhnya salah gw, gw jadi ber-internet ria buat research informasi2 yang lagi gw butuhkan. Tapi, justru dengan ber-google ria ini, gw jadi ngerasa hari gw content abis.
Karena hari ini gw berhasil melakukan beberapa hal yang rencananya bakal gw laksanakan dalam beberapa minggu ke depan:
1. Research tentang iPhone application. Dengan sebuah tujuan yang cukup mulia (menurut gw) dan tanpa mengurangi rasa hormat, gw lagi butuh research tentang iPhone. Aslinya sih gw paling males kalo disuruh google2an, soalnya gw suka ngerasa apa yg gw mau ga bisa lsg ketemu di search engine. Tapi, hari ini, usaha gw ga sia2. Kurang lebih, gw dapet apa yang gw mau.
2. Cari tau informasi buat translate driver license into English. Tadi siang gw telpon kantor yg bisa nyediain jasa translation yg gw mau (soalnya ga semua translator bakal 'diakui' di RTA, yang notabene adalah kantor 'komdak'nya Sydney). Dan gw udah dapet informasi lengkap, jadi gw tinggal dtg ke kantornya aja minggu ini.
3. Belajar Driver Knowledge Test dan nyobain Practice Testnya. Secara gw lagi ga ada kerjaan yang bener2 'berarti' di kantor, gw bisa pake waktu gw buat belajar computer-based driving test. Niatnya sih, gw pgn ambil tes ini secepetnya. Hasilnya tadi sih lumayan, 2 kali pass buat 2 kali percobaan.
4. Mulai ngebuka module Taxation. Sepulang kerja, sambil nunggu WC yg lagi 'dibajak' ama nci gw (soalnya kalo dia yg pake bisa lama bgt), gw mulai buka2 module CA. Dimulai dari halaman yg paling pertama, berjudul 'Study Planning', gw berhasil baca sampe 'Overview of Taxation Module'. Lumayan, kurang lebih gw tau assessment requirementnya dan apa aja yang gw butuhkan buat pass module ini.
Ya. Hari ini udah cukup banyak yg gw lakuin. So, the lesson for today is, 'Do not postpone what you can do today.'
Abis ini sebenernya gw berniat buat Study Plan CA. Tapi, berhubung gw udah mulai ngantuk n males, mgkn besok aja deh buatnya (kontras bgt sama lesson yg disebut barusan).
Dimulai dengan bangun pagi yang sebenernya telat bangun, berakibat kepala berat dan rada sakit waktu sampe di kantor, tapi hari gw diisi dengan kegiatan yang cukup memeras otak dan menguras tenaga buat mikir (Yap. Mikir itu butuh tenaga).
Aslinya di kantor gw justru lagi ga ada kerjaan. Akibatnya, yang bukan sepenuhnya salah gw, gw jadi ber-internet ria buat research informasi2 yang lagi gw butuhkan. Tapi, justru dengan ber-google ria ini, gw jadi ngerasa hari gw content abis.
Karena hari ini gw berhasil melakukan beberapa hal yang rencananya bakal gw laksanakan dalam beberapa minggu ke depan:
1. Research tentang iPhone application. Dengan sebuah tujuan yang cukup mulia (menurut gw) dan tanpa mengurangi rasa hormat, gw lagi butuh research tentang iPhone. Aslinya sih gw paling males kalo disuruh google2an, soalnya gw suka ngerasa apa yg gw mau ga bisa lsg ketemu di search engine. Tapi, hari ini, usaha gw ga sia2. Kurang lebih, gw dapet apa yang gw mau.
2. Cari tau informasi buat translate driver license into English. Tadi siang gw telpon kantor yg bisa nyediain jasa translation yg gw mau (soalnya ga semua translator bakal 'diakui' di RTA, yang notabene adalah kantor 'komdak'nya Sydney). Dan gw udah dapet informasi lengkap, jadi gw tinggal dtg ke kantornya aja minggu ini.
3. Belajar Driver Knowledge Test dan nyobain Practice Testnya. Secara gw lagi ga ada kerjaan yang bener2 'berarti' di kantor, gw bisa pake waktu gw buat belajar computer-based driving test. Niatnya sih, gw pgn ambil tes ini secepetnya. Hasilnya tadi sih lumayan, 2 kali pass buat 2 kali percobaan.
4. Mulai ngebuka module Taxation. Sepulang kerja, sambil nunggu WC yg lagi 'dibajak' ama nci gw (soalnya kalo dia yg pake bisa lama bgt), gw mulai buka2 module CA. Dimulai dari halaman yg paling pertama, berjudul 'Study Planning', gw berhasil baca sampe 'Overview of Taxation Module'. Lumayan, kurang lebih gw tau assessment requirementnya dan apa aja yang gw butuhkan buat pass module ini.
Ya. Hari ini udah cukup banyak yg gw lakuin. So, the lesson for today is, 'Do not postpone what you can do today.'
Abis ini sebenernya gw berniat buat Study Plan CA. Tapi, berhubung gw udah mulai ngantuk n males, mgkn besok aja deh buatnya (kontras bgt sama lesson yg disebut barusan).
11 January 2010
Do What You Gotta Do
Today I got a gift.
It's from Institute of Chartered Accountants Australia (ICAA) and the gift is Taxation Module.
Nice.
So, I haven't mentioned in this blog about my real actions towards achieving 2010 goals. In fact, this is one of them. Undertaking a professional course so that I can be qualified even to become a top quality accountant.
Very exciting, isn't it?
If you asked me last year whether being a highly-qualified accountant is my ultimate goal, I would say probably (yes).
But now, I can darely say I have a much bigger goal than that. I really want to share with you guys, but I'm a bit superstitious so I might want to keep it for myself for a while until I've done something (or I've got some achievements).
Still, right now I need to do what's in front of me, which is that bulky file that must be learned through the next 5 months. Great, sometimes I just love going back to school, yet I often get stressed in the middle of the semester (typical, isn't it?).
Apart from getting my mind ready to get more pressure this year, I'm also planning to open my heart bigger than ever (hopefully). It means that in 2010, I would like to learn being more 'human' by accepting that everyone is unique and always makes mistakes. Noone is greater than the other, so I should be more respectful and not underestimate people whom I'll meet. Fingers crossed and mind sticked to my goal, I believe myself that I can do it.
This rising sun, in fact, does have something to do with me. As I never stop thinking, I thought at that time, that every of your dreams will have its way for you to be walked through. As the saying goes, 'Every cloud has its silver lining', so there's nothing in this world that you can't make it happened.
Follow your dreams and do what you gotta do.
It's from Institute of Chartered Accountants Australia (ICAA) and the gift is Taxation Module.
Nice.
So, I haven't mentioned in this blog about my real actions towards achieving 2010 goals. In fact, this is one of them. Undertaking a professional course so that I can be qualified even to become a top quality accountant.
Very exciting, isn't it?
If you asked me last year whether being a highly-qualified accountant is my ultimate goal, I would say probably (yes).
But now, I can darely say I have a much bigger goal than that. I really want to share with you guys, but I'm a bit superstitious so I might want to keep it for myself for a while until I've done something (or I've got some achievements).
Still, right now I need to do what's in front of me, which is that bulky file that must be learned through the next 5 months. Great, sometimes I just love going back to school, yet I often get stressed in the middle of the semester (typical, isn't it?).
Apart from getting my mind ready to get more pressure this year, I'm also planning to open my heart bigger than ever (hopefully). It means that in 2010, I would like to learn being more 'human' by accepting that everyone is unique and always makes mistakes. Noone is greater than the other, so I should be more respectful and not underestimate people whom I'll meet. Fingers crossed and mind sticked to my goal, I believe myself that I can do it.
Just like Ajahn Brahm has given his 'Mega Metta' (big love)
And have you ever seen sunrise? When the sun starts rising and sky's slowly turning brighter? I can tell you that nothing is more beautiful than the nature itself.
On the 1st January 2010, 5 o'clock in the morning, together with some friends, I went to Opera House to look for the first sunrise in 2010.
Opera House @5.30am
Just simply stare the sky and you'll find the beauty of the beauty
Follow your dreams and do what you gotta do.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)